Exclusive.

Being exclusive with someone isn't really something I want to do right now. The only problem is I'm 'exclusive' with my best friends cousin. I really like him. That's not the issue. It's the fact that I was raised to only seriously date people you can see yourself marring. Well, my life plan has changed. I don't want to get married. Ever. So that means I shouldn't seriously date anyone, right? The thing I am most scared for is that I will fall in love with him or he will fall in love with me and I will have to break his heart. I can't break up with him right now because I fear that I'll break his heart. I don't exactly know what to do. I really like him but I don't want a relationship right now. I can't end things with him because that will completely ruin things between me and him and possibly things between me and my best friend. I wouldn't be able to handle that. He is such a sweet guy and he is incredibly nice to me. Our personalities are very compatible. We have so much fun together and he makes me happy. That's why I'm scared that if I let things progress I'll hurt him even more. The things I want to do with my life I can't do while in an exclusive relationship and I don't want anything to hold me back. I can't let anything hold me back or I'll live a life full of regret. I want to do something with my life. I want to see the world. I want to experience things no other person has experienced. I want to do yoga on the beach of Australia, climb to the top of Mount Everest, hike in Chile, snowboard in Aspen, spend a week as a hobo, just to see if I can, help build a water well in Africa, ride an elephant in India, my list goes on and on. I have so many goals. So much to accomplish and all of that could be only a dream just because of the word 'exclusive'. That exclusive relationship could prevent me from doing the things I want to do. I don't want to hurt anyone but I'm in high school. I'm still trying to form a relationship with myself, trying to figure out who I am. I shouldn't have to worry about forming a relationship with someone else. How can I be happy with someone else when I don't even know who I am? But how can I hurt someone who is so sweet?