Empty promises.

Most people call them new years resolutions. But nobody ever does what their resolutions are. So i think they are empty promises to yourself. But not this year. This year i am going to go to california and learn how to surf, move out, graduate high school, start massage theropy school, be more social, and be more confident. I want this year to be amazing, so im going to make it amazing. Im not going to take crap from anyone. Im going to be happy. Thats my biggest goal for 2012, to be happy. Hopefully ill fall in love again at one point but if not i dont mind. I dont need a man in my life to make me happy. 2011 was a great year. I loved and i lost. I learned who my real friends are and who they werent. I met a lot of amazing people and made a lot of great memories. I grew a lot this last year and i am going to continue to grow into 2012. I learned to find a lesson in every experiance, positive or negative. To not stray from your beliefs. You become very unhappy when you do something you believe is wrong to do. So stick to your beliefs, they are the key to happiness. Live and love life. Make the best out of every single day. Bring it on 2012.

The Christmas kiss

Christmas was great this year. I got to hang out with my family. I got some awesome footy pajamas and some money. It was a good time. But what made this Christmas is the kiss i got from a really cute boy. We dated awhile back but then things just ended. He moved away for school so i havent seen him for a really long time. So he came to visit me. He told me that we were going to get married and have babies. Be even told my parents about it. Well i walked him to his car when he had to leave and we were just talking then all of a sudden he got really nervous. He then grabbed my face really dramaticly and kissed me. :) it was a pretty great kiss. It gave me butterflies.... I havent had bitterflies in a long time. I feel so stupid for falling for him again but i am...

Young, wild, and FREE!

The last month i have been dating this guy, Cory. Well, he is an amazing guy. So, naturally, i had to break his heart. Girls say there are no good guys out there anymore. I,personally, beg to differ. I have yet to meet a none great guy. Of course they all have there moments. But every guy iv met for awhile has been pretty amazing in one way or another. Like Cory, for example. He is so sweet, fun to be around, and he made me smile. But me, being me I couldnt be happy. I don't understand it. Yet it happens all the time. I think what I will be the most happy with right now is to be single. To go out, have fun, meet new people, and enjoy every moment. This is why i hurt every guy i meet. I fall for them and so we rush thing then i realize that it isnt what i want. I believe i do this because im trying to get over my ex. We broke up over 6 months ago... I was so in love with him, so happy with him, and now i am incapable of getting that same feeling i got with him. I miss the butterflies i got everytime he kissed me or even held my hand. I still get butterflies when he walks into the room or when he looks at me. I can't seem to get rid of my feelings for him. But even if i were to 'talk' to him again i dont think that that is what i want. I am not in a point in my life where i want a relationship. I don't want to be with just one person when there are so many great people out there that i havent met yet. How can i know that someone i meet tomorrow is or isnt the one im supposed to be with? Why do i need to know that? And, why should i waste my time in a relationship that i know is going nowhere and possibly miss out on meeting someone i was ment to meet. Someone that could change my life. Why should i miss out on someone/thing great?

Exclusive.

Being exclusive with someone isn't really something I want to do right now. The only problem is I'm 'exclusive' with my best friends cousin. I really like him. That's not the issue. It's the fact that I was raised to only seriously date people you can see yourself marring. Well, my life plan has changed. I don't want to get married. Ever. So that means I shouldn't seriously date anyone, right? The thing I am most scared for is that I will fall in love with him or he will fall in love with me and I will have to break his heart. I can't break up with him right now because I fear that I'll break his heart. I don't exactly know what to do. I really like him but I don't want a relationship right now. I can't end things with him because that will completely ruin things between me and him and possibly things between me and my best friend. I wouldn't be able to handle that. He is such a sweet guy and he is incredibly nice to me. Our personalities are very compatible. We have so much fun together and he makes me happy. That's why I'm scared that if I let things progress I'll hurt him even more. The things I want to do with my life I can't do while in an exclusive relationship and I don't want anything to hold me back. I can't let anything hold me back or I'll live a life full of regret. I want to do something with my life. I want to see the world. I want to experience things no other person has experienced. I want to do yoga on the beach of Australia, climb to the top of Mount Everest, hike in Chile, snowboard in Aspen, spend a week as a hobo, just to see if I can, help build a water well in Africa, ride an elephant in India, my list goes on and on. I have so many goals. So much to accomplish and all of that could be only a dream just because of the word 'exclusive'. That exclusive relationship could prevent me from doing the things I want to do. I don't want to hurt anyone but I'm in high school. I'm still trying to form a relationship with myself, trying to figure out who I am. I shouldn't have to worry about forming a relationship with someone else. How can I be happy with someone else when I don't even know who I am? But how can I hurt someone who is so sweet?

Winter Wonderland!

It is December 9th and there is no snow. I live in Utah. There should be snow. I have never experianced a winter without snow and this one hasn't been fun. The temperature is always in the negatives but there is no snow. If it's going to be this damn cold there needs to be snow. I personally love snow. Winter is my favorite season. Just because of snow. This winter has been miserable so far. It seem like just a really cold fall. I hate fall. I can't get my head around the idea of having not a white Christmas... It's going to be a weird one for sure. This Christmas will also be weird because I won't have my whole family home for it. There are 5 of us kids and 3 have now moved away so it will just be me and my brother and possibly my sister. It will still be weird not having everyone home. But it will still be Christmas. Merry Christmas!

Sleep Is For The Weak.

In the book of life it must be written that while in high school you aren't going to sleep. At all. I am constantly exhausted. Waking up at 7 in the morning does not work for me. The best is when I get to go to work at four, leaving me a half hour in between school and work, not get home till after eleven, and have to still do homework. That's always awesome. That's what I did yesterday and got to do again today. Woo! I can't complain though. At least I'm getting an education and I have a job. I've only got a couple more months then I'm out of school and into the real world. I like to pretend that that doesn't scare me. It doesn't. It terrifies me. I don't even know where to begin being an adult. The fact that next November I get to vote in the presidential election means I need to figure things out and become an adult. I'm not ready to grow up. I'm trying to take on as much responsibility as I can right now to prepare myself. I've discovered I don't like responsibility. At all. Yeah I'm excited to graduate and move on from this hell hole. But I don't know where to go, or even where to begin. I thought I had everything in my figured out. What I want to do with my life, where I want to live, all that kind of stuff. Now I have a completely different dream and it kinda scares me. It's a lot more risky. My whole life I have wanted to get a degree in something, it didn't matter what, get married, and have kids and be a stay at home mom. Now I don't even want to get married. I know what I want to go into as a career, I know where I want to live first, but then I have no clue. I want to move all over the world. Not settle down until I'm at least 30. I'm scared that if I travel around the world first and try to settle down later I won't ever find someone. But I'm scared if I settle down right away he'll be the wrong person or I'll regret not seeing the world like I want to. Life is full of hard decisions. Hopefully I make the right choice. I won't know till later. That's how life is, right? 

No Service.

It turns out smart phones aren't water proof. So dropping one in the toilet isn't a good idea. Last night this happened to me. I don't know how but my phone fell into the toilet. Now it doesn't work. Everyone says to put it in rice to pull all of the water out of it. Well, that doesn't work. Either that or it takes a really long time to dry. Honestly, I don't mind not having a phone. I like being disconnected from the world. I've never been a big fan of texting so it's nice to not be obligated to text people back. With my phone being broken I have learned that I can go a whole day without getting on Facebook. That's nice too. Today I wasn't troubled with anyone else's drama or complaints. Facebook has become a network of negative energy. I don't like negativity... That's why I started a blog. So I can voice my opinions and thoughts without having to deal with everyone else's complaints about life. Life is meant to be an awesome experience. It can only be a great experience once you learn to look past the bad and see the good. There is something good and bad in everything. It's all about the way you take it. If you look for the negative that's what you're going to find. That's why I try my best to look at the positive. It makes things a lot easier.